That's Interesting - Tell Me More

By Pamela Jett

Did you know that nearly one-quarter of U.S. employees (according to a recent Gallup Management Journal survey) would fire their bosses if given an opportunity to do so? Yikes! The reason these employees would opt to fire their boss is because they feel “disengaged” and “disconnected” at work.

Communication is the tool by which leaders, managers, and supervisors can create a work environment in which individuals feel valued, connected and actively engaged. In fact, communication is really the only tool to build relationships leaders possess. As such, leaders would be well served to use communication to strengthen as opposed to sabotage professional relationships.

There is a technique that all leaders can use to build relationship and connect. Peer to peer communication can benefit from this technique as well. This technique will help people feel like their opinion, ideas, and insights matter; which, in turn, helps people feel like they matter.

Great communicators are comfortable using a version of “that’s interesting – tell me more”. There are several ways in which this technique can be useful. And please remember, tone of voice and facial expression matter when using this technique.

1. If you are a leader and you notice an employee engaged in a behavior that seems, at first blush, to be inappropriate or wrong, you can either ask something defense producing (and thus counter-productive) such as “what are you doing?” or “why are you doing that?” or you can opt to be more savvy and try “that’s interesting, tell me more.” This frees the employee up to provide more information, without them becoming defensive. As a leader, you just might discover that what they are doing, although different than what you would do, is actually smart or innovative. Or, you might discover that they are engaged in something wrong. However, you can then provide correction and they are likely to be more open to the correction because you allowed them to explain themselves first.

2. If you ever need to buy yourself some time because you have been blindsided or caught off guard, “that’s interesting, tell me more” is a great way to gather more information and simultaneously buy yourself some time to gather your thoughts. And, you appear professional and composed in the process.

3. This technique also works when you suspect someone is being less than completely candid. By saying “that’s interesting, tell me more” you are sending someone a subtle signal that you are on to them and they will think twice about stretching the truth or being less than honest with you in the future.

These are just some of the scenarios in which “that’s interesting, tell me more” can be beneficial. For more communication tools, listen to Pamela’s Communicate with Confidence Audio CD program available at www.JettCT.com

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com .

Advice on Giving Advice

by Pamela Jett

I was having a conversation with a client the other day and we were talking about a few logistical details of their meeting. Obviously, how my clients opt to run their meetings is completely up to them. I am there as a hired professional. As such, I am there to provide a service and to do everything possible to ensure that my portion of the event is a success. While this particular client is a very competent professional, her experience with meetings is not as substantial as mine. And, I recognized immediately that one of her logistical decisions, while well intended, would likely negatively impact the success of her event. Now, I am in a difficult position. I would like to give her advice or feedback. However, she has not asked for my opinion and just might be offended if I freely offer it. On the other hand, I have a responsibility to my clients to do everything I can to help their events be amazing.

Have you ever been in a situation similar to this? I am confident many professionals often find themselves wanting to give advice or feedback to colleagues or other professionals. It is easy to do when you are the leader; however, when it is peer to peer (or friend to friend, spouse to spouse) it can be a bit more delicate.

There is a wonderful question I would encourage professionals to master that can help open the door to feedback. I have found it tremendously useful personally and professionally. I learned it when an esteemed colleague used it on me! The question is, “are you open to some feedback?”

When we ask “are you open to some feedback” before offering our opinion or advice, we are engaged in what I would consider an interpersonal form of permission marketing. The vast majority of individuals will typically give you permission. And, they will likely be more open to your advice or information because you showed respect for them by asking permission first. Try it and send me an e-mail, Pamela@JettCT.com, to let me know how it works for you.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com .

Decision Making 101

by Pamela Jett

In the light of recent news headlines featuring the poor choices made by one very public figure, I have been thinking about decision making and how, on occasion, most of us would love to be able to turn back the hands of time and make a different decision or choice. And, it would be nice to have a tool to help us make better decisions in the moment.

I believe that in the midst of making even the most complicated decision or choice we can benefit by using the following question. “Is making this decision (doing x), moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become?” To me, this is a powerful question because it helps cut through all the clutter and get to the heart of the matter.

Of course, if we opt to use this technique, we must first know who we want to become. We must, as Stephen Covey would advise, begin with the end in mind. This concept of beginning with the end in mind is crucial to all types of success. I recently listened to Suze Orman give financial advice to women and her first admonition was that women need to see the possibilities of financial freedom, to know what it would be like and how they would live if they were financially secure. Essentially, she asked them to begin with the end in mind. I have also noticed that all of the current buzz surrounding the law of attraction rests on the notion that you have to put out to the universe what you want. Again, begin with the end in mind. And so it is with decision making. If we want to make better decisions we must first know who we want to be; or the type of leader we want to be; or the type of spouse, or the type of parent, etc… Then, the question of “is making this decision moving me closer to or further way from the person I want to become?” amazingly powerful.

For example, I want my size 8s back, so just this morning I was feeling a bit lazy and unmotivated and I couldn’t decide if I had it in me to go to the gym. So, I asked myself is going to the gym moving me closer to or further way from my size 8s? I went to the gym. A leader can ask themselves is doing this project myself or delegating it to an employee moving me closer to the empowering leader I want to be or further way? The support staff person who wants more recognition and opportunity could ask themselves is volunteering for this project moving me closer to or further way from my professional goals? The question simply cuts through the clutter. And, it is a powerful question that can help with small, everyday decisions (like the gym) to big life altering decisions.

Imagine what a difference this question might have made at a crucial decision making moment in one public figure’s life? What difference might it make in yours? How do you plan to use this question? I am eager to know your personal applications and success. Send me an e-mail at Pamela@Jettct.com and share your experiences.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website http://www.jettct.com/ .

Lagging VS. Leading Indicators

by Pamela Jett

We have all been taught that we can’t change the past; we can only impact the future. And, most professionals understand that communication that focuses on the future as opposed to being trapped in the past (“we’ve always done it this way”); sends a powerful, positive message.

One way to up our ability to focus on the future and to present a “forward thinking mindset” is to understand and utilize the difference between lagging and leading indicators. Lagging indicators are those things which capture and summarize the past. For example, quarterly sales reports and customer satisfaction reports are lagging indicators. They summarize what has already occurred. Leading indicators are considered the “drivers” of lagging indicators. For example average customer wait time in a customer service phone queue can be a leading indicator of customer satisfaction. New products or services ready to be launched can be leading indicators of sales.

A savvy communicator will focus his or her communication on “leading indicators”. For example, if you are pitching a proposal to management, spend time talking about leading indicator data. Find out what the “drivers” are for your manager’s top lagging indicator, and focus your efforts and energies on creating ways to impact those specific leading indicators.

Having an understanding of these two terms can significantly improve our business savvy and our communication credibility. Sophisticated business people spend less time talking about what was and more time focusing on what can be. If you have any insights into how to leverage leading indicators in your communication, send an e-mail to Pamela@Jettct.com .


Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388, at her website http://www.jettct.com/, or by e-mail Pamela@Jettct.com .

Are You Smarter Than a Starbucks' Barista?

By Pamela Jett

On Tuesday February 26th, 2008 every one of the 7,100 Starbucks stores nationwide closed for a few hours of barista re-training. When I heard this I was struck by several things, including the notion that is was a very expensive business decision. I was also pleased that a company would be willing to invest in re-training in order to stay competitive in a market where they were once the dominant, some might say exclusive, player.

What resonated with me the most was the correlation between Starbucks' decision and the decisions we make as individual professionals regarding our commitment to lifelong learning, continuous improvement, and self-development. Many would say that Starbucks waited until things were critical to make the investment in re-training. Are you waiting until things are critical in your career to invest in your own self-improvement or are you committed to lifelong learning that is part of how you manage your career on a regular basis?

Granted, a commitment to self-improvement requires an investment; an investment of time, mental energy, and often our own monetary resources. Despite the cost, I firmly believe in what Benjamin Franklin so aptly said – empty your pockets to feed your mind and your mind will feed your pockets.

Successful professionals stay committed to on-going self-improvement. They rarely wait for their organizations to facilitate this growth process. Rather, they are proactively looking for ways to improve their skills in critical areas. Superstars seek growth opportunities through workshops, books, podcasts, and other avenues. They recognize that is so much easier to learn from the knowledge and expertise of others rather than in the school of hard knocks (anyone currently enrolled?) And, here is an added bonus. Research reveals that continuing to learn, even after our formal education ends, is one of the secrets to career success, happiness, and physical well-being. To me that seems like a terrific payoff for engaging in mental exercise.

What do you think? What avenues are you exploring to stay valuable to your organization? In what ways are you investing in your personal development? To share your ideas and success stories, e-mail me at Pamela@JettCT.com.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at http://www.jettct.com/.

Leverage Your Uniqueness

By Pamela Jett

I recently ran across a wonderful quote by Theodore Roosevelt. “Do what you can with what you have, where you are.” I thoroughly enjoy the notion that we all can bloom where we are planted and that regardless of where we are or the resources we have at our disposal, we can do our best to succeed.

As you likely know, in my communication and career advancement programs I often talk about leveraging your activities to get noticed or to achieve your career goals. I decided to take huge liberty and modify the above quote. I would like to think that success comes when you “do what only you can with what only you have, where only you are”.

As professionals, we ought to be aware of our unique talents, gifts, and strengths and use them to our advantage. You are the only one on your team (or even within your organization) who possesses your particular blend of talents, skills, and experiences. You are unique, one-of-a-kind; there is no one just like you. Use your uniqueness to succeed where you are at the moment. This requires a willingness to volunteer to assist on high profile projects where your skills might be a good fit, speaking up in meetings to let others know you possess those skills, and taking advantage of every opportunity that comes across your desk.

Your uniqueness, if you are willing to speak up and let others know about it, can be your ticket to career success.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached at Pamela@JettCT.com, toll free at 866.726.5388, or at her website www.PamelaJett.com.

3 Things Never To Say To a Difficult Person

By Pamela Jett

Difficult people are everywhere. You likely work with some of them, are related to some of them, and drive on the roadways with many of them. While we cannot make a difficult person not be difficult, we can use powerful communication skills to make dealing with them less troublesome. Here are 3 things never to say to a difficult person.

1. Do everything you can to avoid saying “calm down” to a difficult person. If you have ever tried saying “calm down” to a hot-head you have learned this phrase provokes the exact opposite of the desired effect. It only makes people become more intense or defensive. The same advice goes for the closely related words and phrases such as “we need to settle down”, “relax”, and “breathe”.

2. Avoid using the much over-rated phrase “I understand”. While under normal circumstances saying “I understand” is a powerful communication tool, when you are dealing with someone who is emotionally intense, “I understand” only will trigger in them defensiveness and a sense that you are not listening to them. I recognize this flies in the face of what you may have been taught in a workshop or seminar on dealing with angry or hostile customers or people. Let’s put this theory of what “ought” to work with a difficult person to the test of common sense. I encourage you to think about a time when saying “I understand” actually helped calm a difficult person down. It has never, in my field of experience, worked. In fact, it typically makes things worse.

3. “You shouldn’t feel that way” or any similar statement can also cause an increase in hostility, even if you are genuinely trying to help the difficult person understand that they are over-reacting or taking something the wrong way. Again, this will only trigger defensiveness, hostility, and more animosity.

So, what can you say to a difficult person? While that subject is a broad one, here is one of my favorite tools. I suggest you try agreeing with them! Yes, agreeing with them. Most difficult people are upset about something that is reasonable to be upset about. What is not reasonable is how they express their upset.

Try saying “I agree, this is a serious issue” or “You’re right, a mistake has been made and it needs to be corrected.” While nothing will make a difficult person not be difficult or a hot-head calm down, agreeing with them catches them off guard and they typically begin to make better communication choices because they feel they are communicating with someone who is their ally, not their enemy.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.PamelaJett.com.