by Pamela Jett
Difficult people are everywhere. There are exploders, snipers, steamrollers, and chronic complainers in our personal lives and in our professional lives. While it might be possible in our personal lives to avoid difficult people to a degree, it is virtually impossible to do so at work. To make things even more challenging, we cannot make a difficult person not be difficult. Difficult people are difficult because it is working for them. What we can do is train the difficult person that while their difficult behavior might be working with others, it does not work with us. Training a difficult person how to treat you requires some remarkable communication techniques.
One of the most effective techniques is to do the unexpected. Difficult people are used to others responding to them in a predictable fashion. For example, when an exploder explodes or yells he or she is accustomed to having others yell back. They are also used to having others cry, become defensive, or cave in. What they are not expecting is for you to stay calm and to agree with them. The savvy communicator will look for something to agree with in the exploder’s tirade. The vast majority of exploders are what we would call “reasonable” or “rational” exploders which mean they are exploding about something that it is reasonable or rational to become upset over. The challenge for the exploder is how they choose to express their upset. They might scream or yell that a mistake has been made on their account. The savvy communicator would stay calm and say something such as “you are right - this is a serious error and we need to talk about it”. This can catch them off guard and often causes them to settle down and behave in a more emotionally mature fashion.
Another remarkable technique is to use boundary statements. Boundary statements let the difficult person know that you are not going to engage with them if they continue to communicate in an abusive or bullying fashion. For example, if you are dealing with a hothead you might opt to say “this is important and I want to talk about it, just not this way”. You might need to repeat this statement a few times. However, by doing so you are sending a clear message that you are not going to engage with them until they are more civil.
You can also use boundary statements to deal with a steamroller. The classic example of a steamroller is a two year old in the store who demands a cookie over and over and over again and simply will not take no for an answer. Their goal is to wear the adult out so that they get their way. Some people never outgrow this tendency and they are steamrollers as adults and they push and push and push. The goal with a steamroller is to train them that you don’t change your mind simply because they want to outlast you. A useful boundary statement to master is “I see it differently - tell me more if you like.” Of course, a steamroller will tell you more. However, if you consistently tell them you “see it differently” they will eventually understand that while their steamrolling tactics work with others, they don’t work with you.
One of my favorite remarkable techniques is to make the hidden obvious. This technique is most useful when dealing with a sniper. A sniper is the kind of person who likes to take “pot-shots” or make snide or clever “digs”. Most of the time they take their pot-shots in public because they assume you will not have the courage to defy social convention and call them on their inappropriate comments in public. A crucial step in dealing with them is to be willing to call them on their behavior (a form of doing the unexpected) by making the hidden obvious. Here are a few examples:
Wow, I thought I heard an insult in what you just said. Did you mean it that way?
Oh, comments like that sound like you are criticizing my idea. Is that what you intended?
It sounds like you are trying to embarrass me in front of our peers. You’re not doing that are you?
Making the hidden obvious is a two-step process. The first step is to take their hidden agenda and bring it right out in the open. So, if you think they are trying to embarrass you that is what you bring out. The second step is to ask a yes or no question so that you put them in the position of confirming or denying your perception. The good news is the vast majority of snipers will back-peddle and deny. And although you’ve not had them admit to their inappropriate behavior, that is fine. Because now they know that you are not afraid to call them on their inappropriate behavior and they will think twice about being a sniper with you again. You will have successfully trained them how to treat you.
Probing questions are also remarkably useful - particularly when dealing with a chronic complainer. Chronic complainers are often simply looking for someone to reward them by commiserating with them. Instead of commiserating, try saying “I can tell this really bothers you. What do you think ought to be done about it?” Or, “That is frustrating. What is your plan for dealing with it?” These are often questions they can’t answer. And, if every time they come to you for commiseration you ask them how to solve the problem, they will soon see coming to you as work and they will stop coming to you. Or, and this is even better, they just might come up with a solution and they will have transformed from a chronic complainer to a problem solver.
Difficult people are everywhere, sometimes even in the next cube. It is not possible to make the difficult person not be difficult. What we can do is use remarkable communication techniques to train the difficult person that while their difficult behavior may be rewarded by others, it will not be rewarded by us.
Pamela Jett is a communucation skills expert, speaker, and author. For other great communication tools visit www.Jettct.com.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Friday, September 12, 2008
It Drives Me Crazy When...
By Pamela Jett
We all have pet peeves at work. Things that people say or do that drives you to distraction or truly gets on your nerves. This post is devoted to those things that we wish people would not do or say. They may be small things, but like a splinter, they can be painful.
Over the last dozen years I have been conducting communication workshops and seminars all over the world. My clients have been more than willing to share with me what gets on their nerves at work. Here are the top two:
1. When people say are you busy? This is such an irritating question because there is no right answer. We all know that when someone, our leader or a co-worker, asks this question they are really trying to ask if now is a good time to talk or if we are available for them. The challenge is, if we answer "no - I'm not busy" - theoretically, the desired response, we are admitting we are not working. However, if we say we are busy, we sound unhelpful or unwilling to work as a team player.
2. Do you have a minute? Is another irritating question. Nothing takes just a minute! This is a classic case of bait and switch! People ask for a minute and wind up engaging us in a half hour conversation.
So, my question to readers of this blog is what is your pet peeve? What makes you crazy when your leader says it? What do you wish your colleague would stop saying? Please post a comment to this blog. I would love to hear from you. You can also send me an e-mail at Pamela@JettCT.com.
Pamela Jett, CSP is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. You can find information about her including how to bring her to your next meeting or event when you visit http://www.jettct.com/. Or, you can call Aimee at 1.866.726.5388.
We all have pet peeves at work. Things that people say or do that drives you to distraction or truly gets on your nerves. This post is devoted to those things that we wish people would not do or say. They may be small things, but like a splinter, they can be painful.
Over the last dozen years I have been conducting communication workshops and seminars all over the world. My clients have been more than willing to share with me what gets on their nerves at work. Here are the top two:
1. When people say are you busy? This is such an irritating question because there is no right answer. We all know that when someone, our leader or a co-worker, asks this question they are really trying to ask if now is a good time to talk or if we are available for them. The challenge is, if we answer "no - I'm not busy" - theoretically, the desired response, we are admitting we are not working. However, if we say we are busy, we sound unhelpful or unwilling to work as a team player.
2. Do you have a minute? Is another irritating question. Nothing takes just a minute! This is a classic case of bait and switch! People ask for a minute and wind up engaging us in a half hour conversation.
So, my question to readers of this blog is what is your pet peeve? What makes you crazy when your leader says it? What do you wish your colleague would stop saying? Please post a comment to this blog. I would love to hear from you. You can also send me an e-mail at Pamela@JettCT.com.
Pamela Jett, CSP is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. You can find information about her including how to bring her to your next meeting or event when you visit http://www.jettct.com/. Or, you can call Aimee at 1.866.726.5388.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Empathy - More Than Just a Word
I have recently had the opportunity to present programs on providing extraordinary customer service during tough economic times to several different clients. This program focuses on the "words that matter" when communicating with clients and customers. One of the tools I share during this program has value beyond simply customer service. It is a tool that can help us build, maintain, and even repair relationships of all kinds.
The tool that I am referencing is empathy. Most of us understand empathy to be the ability to project ourselves into the reality (and feelings) of others. In other words, to be able to understand (logically and emotionally) things from another's perspective. Empathetic communication is our ability to share that understanding with the other party. From my experience, many of us are able to feel empathetic towards another person. William James, who many consider to be the father of modern era psychology, teaches us that the deepest need of the human soul is to be understood. However, we can sometimes struggle when trying to communicate that empathy to another person in a way that they do, indeed, feel that we understand.
Here are a few tips to help you effectively communicate empathy:
1. Ditch the phrase I understand or minimize your dependence upon it. While it is perfectly acceptable to use I understand in average conversations, if you are looking to communicate that you really do understand (empathize), it is better to not rely upon trite, over-used, and sometimes shallow phrases. It would be better to say something that reflects the emotion the other person is experiencing. For example, a savvy communicator might say wow - that sounds very frustrating or this must be very frustrating for you. When you reflect back to the person you are communicating with the emotion they are expressing, they are far more likely to feel understood which is the true goal of empathy.
2. Avoid saying I know just how you feel. While you may, indeed, believe you know just how someone feels, rarely does this phrase have the intended effect. Typically, it will elicit the exact opposite - people will feel that all of a sudden the conversation has shifted from a focus on them to a focus on you. Besides, many people use the phrase I know just how you feel as a springboard to start talking about themselves and tell their story. While communicating to someone that you have had similar experiences and can identify with what they are going through is powerful, words matter and it would be better to communicate by allowing them to completely tell their story, ask probing questions, and when they have had the opportunity to thoroughly express themselves you can try something along the lines of - My heart goes out to you. When I went through something I felt very confused and sad. It sounds like you feel the same way. Obviously, this is simply an example. However, the principle behind the example is to reflect the emotions they are expressing without making it about you. Again, the goal of empathetic communication is met.
3. Ask lots of open-ended questions. Questions signal to your conversational partner that you are interested and involved in what he or she is expressing. By asking open-ended (non-leading and non-judgemental) questions, you allow people the opportunity to communicate and sometimes that is all it takes to make them feel understood.
4. Do not say you shouldn't feel that way. While sometimes this phrase is well intended - perhaps we are trying to let someone know that they are taking something personally when there is an alternative explanation - the impact this can have is devastating. The moment we tell someone they shouldn't feel the way they are feeling, we completely invalidate them. Besides, it never works. I've never heard someone respond with ok, I won't. It is more common for people to become defensive and frustrated, which is the complete opposite of empathetic communication.
Empathy is more than just a word. It is a mind-set. By adapting the mind-set that our goal is to communicate understanding, not simply pay lip service to it we can choose our words wisely and communicate empathy with confidence.
For more tools and techniques on communicating with confidence, visit the resource store at http://www.jettct.com/ to order Pamela's popular program Communicate With Confidence. Pamela Jett, CSP is a communication expert, speaker, and author who believes that words matter. For more information on bringing Pamela to your organization or event call Aimee at 855.726.5388 or visit www.JettCT.com.
The tool that I am referencing is empathy. Most of us understand empathy to be the ability to project ourselves into the reality (and feelings) of others. In other words, to be able to understand (logically and emotionally) things from another's perspective. Empathetic communication is our ability to share that understanding with the other party. From my experience, many of us are able to feel empathetic towards another person. William James, who many consider to be the father of modern era psychology, teaches us that the deepest need of the human soul is to be understood. However, we can sometimes struggle when trying to communicate that empathy to another person in a way that they do, indeed, feel that we understand.
Here are a few tips to help you effectively communicate empathy:
1. Ditch the phrase I understand or minimize your dependence upon it. While it is perfectly acceptable to use I understand in average conversations, if you are looking to communicate that you really do understand (empathize), it is better to not rely upon trite, over-used, and sometimes shallow phrases. It would be better to say something that reflects the emotion the other person is experiencing. For example, a savvy communicator might say wow - that sounds very frustrating or this must be very frustrating for you. When you reflect back to the person you are communicating with the emotion they are expressing, they are far more likely to feel understood which is the true goal of empathy.
2. Avoid saying I know just how you feel. While you may, indeed, believe you know just how someone feels, rarely does this phrase have the intended effect. Typically, it will elicit the exact opposite - people will feel that all of a sudden the conversation has shifted from a focus on them to a focus on you. Besides, many people use the phrase I know just how you feel as a springboard to start talking about themselves and tell their story. While communicating to someone that you have had similar experiences and can identify with what they are going through is powerful, words matter and it would be better to communicate by allowing them to completely tell their story, ask probing questions, and when they have had the opportunity to thoroughly express themselves you can try something along the lines of - My heart goes out to you. When I went through something I felt very confused and sad. It sounds like you feel the same way. Obviously, this is simply an example. However, the principle behind the example is to reflect the emotions they are expressing without making it about you. Again, the goal of empathetic communication is met.
3. Ask lots of open-ended questions. Questions signal to your conversational partner that you are interested and involved in what he or she is expressing. By asking open-ended (non-leading and non-judgemental) questions, you allow people the opportunity to communicate and sometimes that is all it takes to make them feel understood.
4. Do not say you shouldn't feel that way. While sometimes this phrase is well intended - perhaps we are trying to let someone know that they are taking something personally when there is an alternative explanation - the impact this can have is devastating. The moment we tell someone they shouldn't feel the way they are feeling, we completely invalidate them. Besides, it never works. I've never heard someone respond with ok, I won't. It is more common for people to become defensive and frustrated, which is the complete opposite of empathetic communication.
Empathy is more than just a word. It is a mind-set. By adapting the mind-set that our goal is to communicate understanding, not simply pay lip service to it we can choose our words wisely and communicate empathy with confidence.
For more tools and techniques on communicating with confidence, visit the resource store at http://www.jettct.com/ to order Pamela's popular program Communicate With Confidence. Pamela Jett, CSP is a communication expert, speaker, and author who believes that words matter. For more information on bringing Pamela to your organization or event call Aimee at 855.726.5388 or visit www.JettCT.com.
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Core of Communication Confidence
by Pamela Jett
In my last post I talked about how important balance is for communication success. When we are out of balance in any area of our lives, it can make it very difficult to use the good communication skills most of us do indeed posses. Sometimes, regardless of how well balanced we are, life can throw us a few curves that can threaten to throw us off balance and impact our ability to communicate with confidence. It is at times like these that we must access our "core" in order to have successful communication (and successful relationships) during challenging times.
As many of my regular readers and clients know, I work with a personal trainer several times a week. Her name is Amber and she is terrific! One of the things we do on a regular basis are a series of "balance activities". For example, I will be holding weights (sometimes very heavy ones from my point of view, but not hers!) and then required to step up on a weight bench, balance on one leg, press the weights over my head, lower them, and return to the floor. Remember, this is all while standing on one leg! The only way I can stay up-right during this off balance activity is to tighten (or access) my core, those muscles located in my abdomen and lower back.
Not long ago I was working with clients and I realized that these "balance activities" where I have to access my core are parallel to what life is like for many of us on a regular basis. There are times that no matter how well we try to stay balanced, something will cause us to be off balance. Additionally, most, if not all, of us carry some heavy weights (burdens, responsibilities) on a regular basis. When we are thrown off balance by circumstances, events, someones behavior, a change in the organizational environment (or any of the other challenges life throws at us), most of us still need to be productive. We still need to effectively manage the weights that we carry.
It is at times like these that we must access our "personal core". Our "personal cores" are our values, our character, our inner strength that comes from our personal belief system. The challenging thing for many professionals is that we spend so much of our time dealing with our "weights" that we rarely take the time to ask ourselves the important questions such as "what matters most to me?" or "is this activity moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become" or " what do I want people to say about me when I am gone - what is the legacy I want leave?" These are the "big questions" of life. How we answer these questions typically reflects our highest priorities - our core.
It can be challenging to stay effective, to communicate effectively, when we are managing a heavy burden (weights). It can be even more challenging when life throws us off balance. It is during those heavily burdened, off balance times that our core matters. What is at your core? When we know who we are from the inside out, it is easier to communicate with confidence. We can say no and not feel guilty because we are engaging in behavior consistent with our values and beliefs. We can have the difficult conversations with others who may be engaged in inappropriate behavior because we value ourselves enough not to be doormats, the examples are endless.
I encourage you to find your core. Access it when times are tough. Ask yourself "is my communication moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become?"
For more information on communicating with confidence visit me, Pamela, at http://www.jettct.com/. If you have a success story about a time when you accessed your core for communication confidence, I would love for you to drop me a message at Pamela@jettct.com.
We also have exciting news! On July 9th I will be hosting a powerful teleseminar on providing exceptional customer service during tough economic times. This program will focus on the words and phrases front line service providers ought to use (and those "kiss of death" words and phrases to avoid - some will surprise you) to keep customers thrilled. It is not too late to register. Visit https://my.confertel.net/confertel/crsNewRegister.jsp?program=450002 to register.
Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website http://www.jettct.com/ .
In my last post I talked about how important balance is for communication success. When we are out of balance in any area of our lives, it can make it very difficult to use the good communication skills most of us do indeed posses. Sometimes, regardless of how well balanced we are, life can throw us a few curves that can threaten to throw us off balance and impact our ability to communicate with confidence. It is at times like these that we must access our "core" in order to have successful communication (and successful relationships) during challenging times.
As many of my regular readers and clients know, I work with a personal trainer several times a week. Her name is Amber and she is terrific! One of the things we do on a regular basis are a series of "balance activities". For example, I will be holding weights (sometimes very heavy ones from my point of view, but not hers!) and then required to step up on a weight bench, balance on one leg, press the weights over my head, lower them, and return to the floor. Remember, this is all while standing on one leg! The only way I can stay up-right during this off balance activity is to tighten (or access) my core, those muscles located in my abdomen and lower back.
Not long ago I was working with clients and I realized that these "balance activities" where I have to access my core are parallel to what life is like for many of us on a regular basis. There are times that no matter how well we try to stay balanced, something will cause us to be off balance. Additionally, most, if not all, of us carry some heavy weights (burdens, responsibilities) on a regular basis. When we are thrown off balance by circumstances, events, someones behavior, a change in the organizational environment (or any of the other challenges life throws at us), most of us still need to be productive. We still need to effectively manage the weights that we carry.
It is at times like these that we must access our "personal core". Our "personal cores" are our values, our character, our inner strength that comes from our personal belief system. The challenging thing for many professionals is that we spend so much of our time dealing with our "weights" that we rarely take the time to ask ourselves the important questions such as "what matters most to me?" or "is this activity moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become" or " what do I want people to say about me when I am gone - what is the legacy I want leave?" These are the "big questions" of life. How we answer these questions typically reflects our highest priorities - our core.
It can be challenging to stay effective, to communicate effectively, when we are managing a heavy burden (weights). It can be even more challenging when life throws us off balance. It is during those heavily burdened, off balance times that our core matters. What is at your core? When we know who we are from the inside out, it is easier to communicate with confidence. We can say no and not feel guilty because we are engaging in behavior consistent with our values and beliefs. We can have the difficult conversations with others who may be engaged in inappropriate behavior because we value ourselves enough not to be doormats, the examples are endless.
I encourage you to find your core. Access it when times are tough. Ask yourself "is my communication moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become?"
For more information on communicating with confidence visit me, Pamela, at http://www.jettct.com/. If you have a success story about a time when you accessed your core for communication confidence, I would love for you to drop me a message at Pamela@jettct.com.
We also have exciting news! On July 9th I will be hosting a powerful teleseminar on providing exceptional customer service during tough economic times. This program will focus on the words and phrases front line service providers ought to use (and those "kiss of death" words and phrases to avoid - some will surprise you) to keep customers thrilled. It is not too late to register. Visit https://my.confertel.net/confertel/crsNewRegister.jsp?program=450002 to register.
Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website http://www.jettct.com/ .
Monday, June 2, 2008
Three Perspective Changing Questions - Lessons Learned from a Bicycle
by Pamela Jett
I recently made an investment in a new bicycle and I love it! So much so that I couldn’t resist posting a picture of it and sharing the joy. For the past week I have been riding around in my neighborhood and exploring the pathways that line the canals. As a result of being on a bike as opposed to being in a car, I am seeing things I have never seen before (even though I am in familiar territory). The world simply looks different from the perspective of a bike. I’ve noticed trails that I didn’t know existed, parks, and amazing patches of “rural” in the midst of my densely populated suburb.
As I have been riding, I have also been thinking about what a fresh perspective can do to enhance our relationships and our communication. Sometimes when we are communicating with someone, it is wise to try and change our perspective or see things from a fresh point of view. Here are three simple questions you can ask yourself (not out loud – ask yourself internally) during conversations, particularly difficult conversations, to see things in a fresh light and enhance your chance of communication success.
1. What is their ultimate goal in this conversation? In communication, people typically have a goal: to get the job done, to satisfy a customer, to learn something, etc… The interesting thing is - rarely is their goal about us! Sometimes in conversations we tend to take things personally. Perhaps we are interacting with someone who is perhaps a bit brusque or overly direct. It is normal human nature to think they are “being rude to me”. When, in fact, it is probably not about you at all! They might be under a time deadline, they might have a meeting they are running late for, or they might be dealing with a difficult and demanding customer. If we stop and ask ourselves, “what is their ultimate goal in this conversation?” chances are pretty strong that we will recognize that their goal has nothing to do with us (such as trying to ruin our day or rain on our parade); it has everything to do with them and their needs. While this knowledge does not excuse rude behavior on the part of others, it can help us understand the behavior and stop taking it personally.
2. A similar question is what are they afraid of? Most inappropriate communication behavior comes from a place of fear. For example, you might be in a meeting pitching a proposal and one of your colleagues is being strangely resistant, negative, or difficult. Again, human nature would lead us perhaps to take it personally. You might be disappointed, confused, and frustrated that your colleague, who you thought would support you, is being difficult. And, you might start to take it personally. The savvy communicator would stop and ask themselves “what are they afraid of?” This simple question can help us change our perspective, look past the obvious, and find the root of the difficult behavior. For example, they might be afraid of change, or that the learning curve might be too steep, or that their management won’t like it. The possibilities are endless. However, if you know this person and you ask the question, one or two reasonable answers will likely manifest themselves to you. You can then go about addressing that supposed fear if appropriate. And, at minimum, it keeps you from taking it personally.
3. The final question is almost the opposite of the previous two. The next time you are in a conversation that isn’t going as smoothly as you would like or a conversation where your emotions are starting to get the best of you, I challenge you to ask yourself what is my true intention in this conversation? Sometimes the answer is not pretty. When we are brutally honest with ourselves we might, on occasion, recognize that our motives are perhaps not very noble or appropriate. Perhaps we are more interested in being right than in being effective (that is my personal challenge). Or, perhaps we are looking to make the other person feel small so that we can feel bigger by comparison. Sometimes we might be motivated by a desire to simply “pick a fight” because we are actually frustrated by someone or something else. Checking in with our true intentions or motives can often help us make better choices with regards to our communication.
Changing our perspective, looking at something from a different point of view can often help us make better communication choices, stop taking things so personally, and help us build better relationships both at work and at home.
For more communication skills for success, visit Pamela on-line at http://www.jettct.com/. While you are there you can download free communication tools and assessments as well as watch clips of Pamela live.
As I have been riding, I have also been thinking about what a fresh perspective can do to enhance our relationships and our communication. Sometimes when we are communicating with someone, it is wise to try and change our perspective or see things from a fresh point of view. Here are three simple questions you can ask yourself (not out loud – ask yourself internally) during conversations, particularly difficult conversations, to see things in a fresh light and enhance your chance of communication success.
1. What is their ultimate goal in this conversation? In communication, people typically have a goal: to get the job done, to satisfy a customer, to learn something, etc… The interesting thing is - rarely is their goal about us! Sometimes in conversations we tend to take things personally. Perhaps we are interacting with someone who is perhaps a bit brusque or overly direct. It is normal human nature to think they are “being rude to me”. When, in fact, it is probably not about you at all! They might be under a time deadline, they might have a meeting they are running late for, or they might be dealing with a difficult and demanding customer. If we stop and ask ourselves, “what is their ultimate goal in this conversation?” chances are pretty strong that we will recognize that their goal has nothing to do with us (such as trying to ruin our day or rain on our parade); it has everything to do with them and their needs. While this knowledge does not excuse rude behavior on the part of others, it can help us understand the behavior and stop taking it personally.
2. A similar question is what are they afraid of? Most inappropriate communication behavior comes from a place of fear. For example, you might be in a meeting pitching a proposal and one of your colleagues is being strangely resistant, negative, or difficult. Again, human nature would lead us perhaps to take it personally. You might be disappointed, confused, and frustrated that your colleague, who you thought would support you, is being difficult. And, you might start to take it personally. The savvy communicator would stop and ask themselves “what are they afraid of?” This simple question can help us change our perspective, look past the obvious, and find the root of the difficult behavior. For example, they might be afraid of change, or that the learning curve might be too steep, or that their management won’t like it. The possibilities are endless. However, if you know this person and you ask the question, one or two reasonable answers will likely manifest themselves to you. You can then go about addressing that supposed fear if appropriate. And, at minimum, it keeps you from taking it personally.
3. The final question is almost the opposite of the previous two. The next time you are in a conversation that isn’t going as smoothly as you would like or a conversation where your emotions are starting to get the best of you, I challenge you to ask yourself what is my true intention in this conversation? Sometimes the answer is not pretty. When we are brutally honest with ourselves we might, on occasion, recognize that our motives are perhaps not very noble or appropriate. Perhaps we are more interested in being right than in being effective (that is my personal challenge). Or, perhaps we are looking to make the other person feel small so that we can feel bigger by comparison. Sometimes we might be motivated by a desire to simply “pick a fight” because we are actually frustrated by someone or something else. Checking in with our true intentions or motives can often help us make better choices with regards to our communication.
Changing our perspective, looking at something from a different point of view can often help us make better communication choices, stop taking things so personally, and help us build better relationships both at work and at home.
For more communication skills for success, visit Pamela on-line at http://www.jettct.com/. While you are there you can download free communication tools and assessments as well as watch clips of Pamela live.
Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388, at her website http://www.jettct.com/ , or by e-mail Pamela@JettCT.com.
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